I’m sure you’ve heard it all:
“Stop crying, at least you’re alive”
“Give God thanks it could be worse”
“God doesn’t give you more than you can bear”
“Everything happens for a reason”
“You’ve many things to be grateful for”
“Give thanks you can have another baby”
“You’ll get over it”
“You need to move on and be grateful”
“Stop acting like is you died!”
These things are said probably with good intentions, but were just said the wrong way. Who really wants to hear these when your grief is fresh and painful as hell? Sometimes it’s not the message, but the way the message is relayed. I remember getting so upset about hearing those things that one day, while confiding in a friend, I told her “I can be grateful and grieve.”
People keep saying I’m so strong and I’m stronger than I think. I feel inspired to hear that. Truth be told friends, the strength you’re seeing today is because of my reliance on God. I went through so much since September that I wasn’t sure how I’d make it. I not only developed severe preeclampsia. I lost my first child. My blood pressure caused me to be in the hospital for a whole week.
Two weeks after leaving the hospital, I found out I developed pneumonia and I had a new battle to fight. I didn’t know how to handle everything all at once. I have to give thanks for the prayers and encouragement received. This was probably the very first time I’ve truly relied and submitted to God, giving Him all my troubles and asking Him to give me the strength I needed.
It was His strength that allowed me to be obedient to His prodding of creating a space to share my story, in hopes of encouraging others going through a similar situation. It’s because of Him why I’ve persons around me who can uplift me and be there for me. He has created a whole new faith in my husband. He has given me a chance to grieve and still be able to function. I’m able to grieve and be grateful. Because I’ve so many things to be grateful for!
God does indeed give us more than we can bear, but He doesn’t want us to handle it on our own. Each day I wake up I try to think of things, even the smallest things to be grateful for. If I’m having a hard time, my husband steps in and helps me. Expressing gratitude allows me to have a different perspective. It’s basically saying, “in spite of my grief, I’m thankful for these things.”
And oh, I am indeed!
I still give God thanks for His blessings, for saving my life time and time again (because I could’ve died during or after surgery and from pneumonia) but I also acknowledge my loss and I’ve all right to! It’s like some persons want you to forget about your loss because you’re alive and things could be worse so give God thanks and move on. Just get over it!
Wow. That hurts. I know I’m not alone, because other moms have expressed the same concerns of loved ones showing no empathy towards their loss.
We must realise that grieving can negatively impact our mental health, which is why it’s so important to have the support of others and why we need to go through it instead of suppressing it. Grieving demonstrates your love for your child. Please don’t let the foolish words of others cause you to stifle or derail your healing process, because if it’s not dealt with, it will manifest itself later in probably a more serious way, which may make it even harder to handle.
In a Bible study I read online, it offered the perfect thoughts on grief shared by William Cowper, who stated that grief itself is a medicine. “Grief cleanses the anguish from our souls and sets us back up on the path of life so we can dance. Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness. Grieving is His great gift to us. It is a necessary part of our journey. Healing.”
Having a hard time finding something to be grateful for? My challenge to you is, going forward, try to find at least 1 thing to be thankful for each day, in spite of what you’re going through. When persons say the wrong thing, educate them and let them know what they should’ve said instead.
There is no time limit on healing from grief, there should also be no rush. Take your time, be patient with yourself. You’ll stumble along the way, dust yourself off and keep going, don’t lose hope. Take a break if you need to, it’s okay! Just do what you must to help you cope, your mental health matters. Your loved ones will and should be grateful 💙💖.
Some of my favourite Bible verses
Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”
Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”
4Damani 