Experiencing a baby loss has taught me that there’s no safe zone in pregnancy. Passing 12 weeks or 20 weeks doesn’t mean you’ll go home with your baby. That’s the painful reality that loss parents are faced with
My struggle has never lied in getting pregnant.
My struggle is keeping babies.
I’ve been pregnant 4 times and I’ve only brought one baby home.
I know that there are women who have never seen a positive test, or women who have yet to bring home a live baby. There are women who will never see that dream come true. But I can only speak to my experience.
My experience is that I can get pregnant, and more often than not, I lose the baby.
By the time I saw my fourth positive test, I was feeling jaded. A positive on a pregnancy test was supposed to signal some kind of certainty. But when the plus sign appeared, I felt more scared than excited. There was joy, but there was also fear–and a lot of it.
Losing three babies made that plus sign look more like a question mark.
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