The Fear (And Joy) Of Seeing A Positive Pregnancy Test After Losing A Baby

Experiencing a baby loss has taught me that there’s no safe zone in pregnancy. Passing 12 weeks or 20 weeks doesn’t mean you’ll go home with your baby. That’s the painful reality that loss parents are faced with

An Unexpected Family Outing

My struggle has never lied in getting pregnant.

My struggle is keeping babies.

I’ve been pregnant 4 times and I’ve only brought one baby home.

I know that there are women who have never seen a positive test, or women who have yet to bring home a live baby. There are women who will never see that dream come true. But I can only speak to my experience.

My experience is that I can get pregnant, and more often than not, I lose the baby.

By the time I saw my fourth positive test, I was feeling jaded. A positive on a pregnancy test was supposed to signal some kind of certainty. But when the plus sign appeared, I felt more scared than excited. There was joy, but there was also fear–and a lot of it.

Losing three babies made that plus sign look more like a question mark.

After…

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2 thoughts on “The Fear (And Joy) Of Seeing A Positive Pregnancy Test After Losing A Baby

  1. I hear ya mama! I’ve been pregnant 4 times as well. Brought home one baby and lost 4 (twins the last one). The three were all at different times during the pregnancy. Scary how real that becomes when it happens to you. I ask myself if I already had my rainbow baby and am just gambling for another without being thankful for my baby girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so so sorry for your losses. Wow! Yep! Very real when it happens to you. It totally changes your whole world around you. You’re indeed thankful but you may still feel missing or incomplete and you’re still grieving those losses. Be patient with yourself

      Liked by 1 person

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